The Pleasure Report. Week 17. The kindness edition with added love.

Week 17 in the year of pleasure.

The Pleasure

Sixty four points. Fifty four last week.

And a 21:1 pleasure to pain ratio.

It seems when it comes to pleasure, the more I look, the more I see.

Eees good. I like.

A selection of the pleasure

Appreciation for what I do

Appreciation makes my day.

A client this week told me “I think so clearly when I’m talking to you”.

That’s all it takes. Here I am now, happy as Larry.

Support.

I’ve mentioned my love handles before. I’m happy to go with calling them love handles as it was at least partly love that got them there, a great love of food and wine. Also, a lack of appreciation for myself (the long version illustrating this point is available upon request).

Did I also mention my desire to have less of the love handles? You know, for a more pleasing view as I look down.

I don’t want skinny as a rake or size zero, whatever that is. But less is desirable.

I’ve lost weight before and managed.

But it was a slog and there was deprivation and willpower was also required.

This year, in the year of pleasure, I have bouncers on the door and struggle is not to be admitted.

Which meant if I was going to do this, it would have to be without struggle.

Have you ever lost weight? Do you know a way that isn’t a struggle?

This is a big change.

Faced with not knowing a better way, in the past, if the desire for a better view (less fat) was strong enough, I’d grit my teeth, tell myself that ‘this is what it takes to improve the view’ and get on with it.

But I couldn’t bring myself to do that this year, or ever again come to think of it.

I had deliberately dropped the ball, so to speak, as far as food was concerned, because I had enough to deal with and hadn’t got the capacity to give it the attention it needed.

And my gentlemanfriend and I love to cook and eat and drink wine and did so with relish and in lavish amounts.

Long story short, my capacity to give it the attention it needs hasn’t changed and so if I was to lose weight without struggle, I was going to need help.

It’s so easy to belittle myself and my needs, I find, when asking for, or even imagining needing, help.

Why can’t you manage this? Lot’s of people manage just fine. Haven’t you got the discipline? You musn’t want it badly enough then…..

Here’s the thing.

If you are taking on x challenge, what support do you need to do it, at the time you’re doing it.

Not what anyone else would need.

Not what you might need at another time when your circumstances are different.

If you break a leg and need crutches for support for a time, all is instantly understood and people will wait a bit for you.

If you’re at capacity and need support, it’s unseen and harder for others to appreciate. Requiring, gulp, you to let them know what you’re trying to do and (bigger gulp) what help you’d like.

There’s not many times I’ve allowed myself to even consider what support I’d need to do things and whether it’s different from the accepted norm. I’ve just struggled on by myself assuming that’s how things are.

This time the radical act of thinking about what I’d need happened. *Small cheer*

I realised I’d need a lot of practical support.

Ask and ye shall receive.

And lo, the gentlemanfriend, he stepeth forward and lifted the load and did offer to carry it for three of the moons.

And lo, the woman she shall carry no diet food preparation burden.

He’s just taken care of it all.

I don’t have to think about it at all or do anything other than eat what’s been prepared for me.

And yes, his sainthood certificate will be arriving soon and there will be a ceremony including crowning with halo and on bended knee worshipping and such.

Pleasure research volunteers

The pleasure research, outside of just me, can begin!

People have been volunteering to take part.

The prospect of having company is wonderful. If you’d like to join in too, you’d be very welcome. Send me an e-mail, pauline (at) withintegrity (dot) co.uk, or you can contact me via the contact page of my website and I’ll send you the details.

(There won’t be many, I’m aiming for an elegant simplicity).

I will be putting together a research framework over the next week or so and then we can begin.

It’s exciting.

And if your organisation, or one you know of, would be interested in research into pleasure at work and its effect on the culture, again, let me know.

And feel free to pass this onto anyone you think would be interested

So much pleasure this week

As you can see, sixty four pleasures this week, so many!

The more I look, the more I find.

(Universal truth jumping up and down demanding recognition).

Other pleasures…..

that I can work in the garden in the sunshine, that I can stop for a minute to watch the most elegant of birds, high up, surfing the thermals.

that my magnolia managed, not only leaves when I thought it was dead, but a flower too.

and this week can’t go without mention of my gentlemanfriend’s sister’s wedding which was wonderful, very loving and touching. I cried happily for most of it.

The Pain

Three points this week. Three points last week.

I consider the three this week to be mild.

And interestingly, they’re things I wouldn’t have called mild a while back.

The yoghurt in the curry is how kindly I’m inclined to treat myself now.

How willing I am to accept that things are as they are (I have love handles) without the angsty charge around them.

And at the same time knowing I’d like them to be different and letting ideas come to me for how they might be different. It really is getting easier.

Someone not happy

There were a few things I wasn’t sure about this week.

Wasn’t sure how someone felt about how things were. And feared they might not be happy.

And feared that might be down to me.

Pain I did something about

Asking

When I fear someone’s not happy and it might be down to me, I’ll shrink a little.

Then try and see whether I can figure things out by myself. Frightened to ask.

This week, in my relatively new state of acceptance of how things are, I just asked.

Oh dear Lord, how much easier was that. Hah!

All in all

The everyday minor miracles, things working out in ways I couldn’t ever have thought of, continue to be just delightful.

How about you?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Your pleasure, pain or pain you did something about?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

2 Comments

  1. Posted May 21, 2010 at 2:52 pm | Permalink

    I went to an interesting NLP Practice Group session last night on ‘creating’ which might fit with the losing weight/struggle dilemma. I shall be blogging about it shortly, so if you’re intrigued, pop over (assuming I don’t end up in your spam filter…)

    Pleasure
    – I’ve been working on my book proposal instead of procrastinating about it!
    – I’ve upped the difficulty level on the cycling machine at the gym and feeling good.

    Pain
    – I wore unhelpful shoes to a networking event this morning which involved walking 3.5 miles to see the Olympic Canoe area. I took the shoes off and so did about 2.5 miles in bare feet – ouch…
    – I got worked up about something which wasn’t really my responsibility, only I felt I HAD to sort it out. Sort it out I did. And I feel happier but really it wasn’t my problem…

    [Reply]

    Pauline Reply:

    WOW. Your book proposal! You’ve kept that one under your hat. What’s the subject? Or would you rather keep it close till you’re further forward. Or published?

    [Reply]

  2. Posted May 27, 2010 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

    It is about challenging the notion of self-development as a ‘good thing’. I can give you the ins and outs when I see you next.

    By the way, I don’t seem to be getting notified of follow-up comments even though I’ve ticked the box.

    [Reply]

Post a Comment

Your email is never shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*