I’ve been thinking. Does it have to be hard work to be valued?
If, in your mind, it does need to be hard work , it’s a sure sign that in this matter you have not put your soul in charge of operations and it may have given up on you and slipped out the back for a night out and left you to slog away living with your ‘must be hard work’ decision.
I’ve been considering myself a nicely aligned soul in this matter till I caught myself fretting about not having written a new blog post for ages. Telling myself that I really ‘should’ be posting every day or other day at the least.
WHAT was I thinking!? Any clients using the word should find out that it takes only milliseconds for the ‘should’ alarm to sound.
Who are you listening to? Who says you should? What about your own choice? What about your natural rhythms? Just who is it that’s in charge of what you ‘should’ do?
But there I was ‘shoulding’ myself with the best of them. When I looked to find out who says, it was an old old corporate image of hours served in a day, of quantity of hours present being the measure of commitment and willingness.
Of measurement through results, not hours spent, being bandied about as the way it was but that wasn’t actually enough when it came down to it. Anyone leaving before 7 heckled as a part timer (and part timer wasn’t a compliment).
So this time, when I lovingly attended to my natural rhythms and to other non blog matters that were uppermost and important, out came that very old fear of being seen to be .. to be…..whatever…productive, prolific, hard working…….EEEK! Get it off me! I thought I’d let go of that one a LONG while back.
I’ve been doing some personal development work that requires much inner work, meditation, connecting with your soul and more (she said, hoping she’s not sounding like she’s beggining to attempt to justify the lack of blog posts).
It’s alright, there is a point to my telling you this story, it’s not a justification.
So, this inner work has really taken it out of me (no, no violins) and so afterwards it would have been ideal to rest. Did I! Instead I’d struggle on and get back to my list…that neverending list of things that need doing.
Until one night I was so pooped I just lay down on the sofa. I don’t think I could have lifted my legs had the house been burning down around me. My son wanted me to come to the computer and see some art he was getting all excited about, something which I’d normally be over there like a shot to see. He had to unplug the laptop and bring it over to me.
Well…the point being (finally, thanks for your patience), on reflection, I really liked it that the decision about whether to rest had been taken out of my hands and pinned me like a great weight to the sofa. I was resting, like it or not.
On further reflection I get more than a bit scared that that’s what it took before I sat down and stayed that way. So I’ve been teaching my body that if it needs rest it has to disable me. It can’t trust me to rest when I need to because that old ‘have to be hardworking’ message has still got a hold.
Oh no. That’s not good. New message planting required and fast.
I’m very grateful to have caught myself at it….and to be taking myself in hand.
Stop trying so hard, stop forcing myself, if it’s not a pleasure why am I doing it?
If I’m having to force myself, I know my soul’s not in charge, who is dictating terms here? The dictator won’t like it at all but let’s get a second opinion on that.
I hope you’re loving what you’re doing, doing it with ease and are positively sprightly having looked after yourself and your up time, down time balance well.
If not, have you asked lately who it is that’s dictating terms? And giving no longer than a nanosecond’s thought to ousting the dictator.
PS. This one’s for Lydia who helped oust my dictator.