Week 34 in the year of pleasure
I’m not actually here this week. I’m packing. Getting ready to move house.
I thought it might be a little easier, more of a pleasure, if I allowed myself to concentrate on the house move and have invited friends to come and give their pleasure reports in my place.
Yay…happy all round.
Let me introduce Moriah who’ll be writing her version of the pleasure report this week and next.
Coach, teacher, champion of consciousness and all round quite wonderful woman, doing great things in the world.
I’m very glad to call her my friend.
The Pleasure Report from Moriah
The Alchemy of Loving Stillness
Isn’t it ironic that the very week I am guest blogging on the subject of pleasure, I have a week for the first time in ages that is more about pain than pleasure. And more than that, I have had my focus on all that I am grateful for, and yet the pain is the very thing that has prevailed. Pleasure seems to have completely evaded me at times and the pain has ruled this week. The pain has been louder than the pleasure. And yet, when I shifted my perspective a little, then I began to acknowledge the pleasure that was also present within the pain. Like a plait of bread, the weaving of braided hair, the pleasure was there to be found. I just couldn’t always feel it. Pleasure and pain seem to have been co-existing one with the other.
When anticipated pain becomes ‘real’ through anxiety
Let me expand. I am about to lead an event next week. It’s a great opportunity for me in so many ways. And despite that, ancient fears of presenting and giving talks have emerged like a spectre from the bottom of a very deep lake. Now, I am not new to giving talks. I spent 10 years in management training and consultancy and more recently have taught too.
So what’s the difference now?
I haven’t done it for 2 years, it is on a subject which I have been developing, with concepts and techniques that I have only used on me so far and a handful of eager clients. I am at the same time going through a deep transformation myself and as a result my inner landscape is changing rapidly and is now beginning to change my outer landscape too and this can be exciting and a little scary at times too. The result of this transition was an unnerving cocktail of anxiety, palpitations, lack of focus and at times, sheer fear & tears. And there is only a week to go before I facilitate this event. And I am still not clear what I am going to say or how I will structure the evening. Not comfortable for me. Not comfortable at all.
When pain transforms into pleasure- it’s all a matter of perspective
So where is the pleasure in this you might ask?
Well, after allowing the anxiety to pretty much paralyse me, preventing me for 3 days from focusing and making progress in the planning of my talk I remembered that I am endlessly resourceful and that I could in fact use the new techniques that I am developing. So I sat down, settled myself into stillness and began to use my newly formed, embryonic techniques and it worked! It brought me back into peace, and even more than that it gave me more intuitive insights into what to do next week for the event itself.
And where is the Pleasure? Well, now I know that it works even in the hardest, most emotionally challenging of situations. If I hadn’t got to crescendo point in the anxiety stakes then I would never have experienced this result. And for that awareness I am very grateful. So the pleasure is once more woven into the pain. It never ceases to amaze me just how perfectly the Universe works to support us in our growth.
And what is the irony and cosmic joke of this experience? I am going to be facilitating an evening of Stillness and Silence called the Magic of Presence and so the only thing I need to do is Be Present. No need to do anything. In fact, the simpler the structure of the evening is the better.
Ha! The pleasure and the pain of this week inextricably linked to the new processes and techniques that I am developing. Of course they would be. In the loudness of the pain I had forgotten this.
Holding myself through the pain until it shifts & trusting that it will shift
I’m also learning to acknowledge the anxiety within my body & the emotions that accompany it and to hold myself through it, not suppressing it, not running away from it but meeting and greeting it, meeting my own needs and being compassionate with myself, trusting that at some point it will transform and renewed strength will emerge. For this is the nature of all feelings.
Feelings are simply Energy in Motion = E-MOTION
Just that. Feelings are simply Energy in Motion = e-motion. They come and go, they simply need to be acknowledged, felt, given space and allowed and then they move on and a new space opens up. I also know that it is ultimately a great thing that this situation has enabled these feelings to emerge as I know that ultimately, once these fears have transformed, I will have increased energy and confidence. I trust the process. I trust my process. But I am still human and still feel the discomfort and anxiety.
Pleasure & Pain Co-exist, interwoven like a beautiful tapestry of feelings and colour
So, the pleasure and the pain are interwoven. Some days the anxiety is right up there on the Richter Scale. Other times it lingers and the pleasure and joy is present in abundance.
Compassionate Understanding when Love transforms the Pain
Another example from this week was my frustration in not making it to London to hear a talk on Consciousness. Great anticipation. Everything in place. An evening out. A chance to meet new, like-minded people. Then as I drove to the station, I heard on the radio that a tube strike is about to hit London. Disappointment & frustration reigned supreme. The ticket master was well informed and very compassionate meeting me with empathy and offered me a refund on my parking charge. I appreciated his compassion and accepted, thanking him for his kindness. The Pain and the Pleasure woven together into a rich tapestry of feelings. Somehow the pain felt louder than the gratitude. Even after calling Pauline and being really heard by her with love and compassionate understanding, the pain still felt louder than the pleasure, although I could feel that it was changing. It was all about to shift and change again.
When I got home my teenage sons greeted me at the door with surprise and my eldest son gave me the most gorgeous, warm, loving hug and asked me how he could help whilst the youngest suggested I put my feet up whilst he made me a cup of tea and asked me would I like him to cook tea anyway as planned? Well, in that moment, all pain evaporated and I was immersed in compassion and love. Wow, that was the most beautiful of surprises. And I cried. And the tears were born from a cocktail of the remaining frustration and the sheer joy of their ability to empathise, their love and a willingness to meet my needs. And they were ok with me crying. And the crying turned into laughter, smiles and a group hug. And I felt so much lighter. And I felt understood. And I felt met. And suddenly the world was a more hopeful place.
And so completed a turbo charged week of emotion. But you know, even though I remember it all vividly and as much as I wouldn’t particularly want to experience this kind of week every week, it has been an extraordinarily transformative week.
Pleasure + Pain = Being FULLY Alive
I used to flat-line, meaning that I was in the comfortable space of just getting through, living from my head not my heart, not feeling anything too deeply however in the process, not feeling fully alive. This week has packed full of EMOTION. Energy- in -motion. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. It means that I am ALIVE. Fully ALIVE.
And for you? What’s your Pleasure?
What’s your Pain?
What is it that helps the pain within You transform into Pleasure? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.